The misses and I are looking for an apartment right now. We have been looking forward to moving in with each other for awhile now. The problem is that her internship is looking more likely to be in Ann Arbor. Another problem is that I work in Royal Oak and Southfield and go to school in Detroit. The place we'll end up living will be about 20-30 miles away from work and school. With gas prices the way they are, I'll be filling up my tank about once a week, for about forty dollars a pop. The excitement is still there, but all these extenuating circumstances make it not as high as it could, or should, be.
So, here I am. Just listening to The Sweater Song by Weezer. Just trying to figure out what I'm going to write next. I really never know; I just let it all come out without regard to what it will be. I don't think I could write any other way. Structure doesn't suit me as well as it does other people. I can bounce so many thoughts off in rapid succession that I wouldn't have time to structure the mess that is my brain. All I know is that it is fun. It's fun to just write about whatever it is that's on my mind.
The Sound of Silence is a really good song. It might have one of the best opening lines to a song ever. Hello darkness my old friend / I've come to talk to you again. How awesome is that? Creates that sense that everyone is alone. Darkness is the only thing that is consistent between humans, to a certain degree. The power of music. It's one of those songs that no matter what you do, you really want to listen to the lyrics and put it into some sort of context. It can change each time you hear it; among the best of the best.
It's also interesting to hear a song again after hearing it in a movie. Done correctly, or just well, it's almost impossible to separate the song from the movie. I just don't know what makes what better. Does the song make the scene better or the other way around? Either way, try watching Reservoir Dogs and not associating Stuck in the Middle With You with that movie every time you hear it. I guarantee it's not possible.
Music is one of those things I go without for long time and not understand why. I also don't understand why it doesn't bother me. Whenever I'm in a dry spell and start listening again I wonder why I ever stopped in the first place. I have so much music to lose myself to that I should experience it as often as I can. While I prefer movies most of the time, sometimes nothing can beat just sitting down and listening to some good tunes. I've incorporated it into my homework routines. I think it helps the process. I don't worry about the homework as much as I would have without the music. I just do the work and let the music carry me through until the end. It's much more fun to ride a wave of music than a wave of frustration.
I'll be visiting Christine tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to the drive. I usually don't. It's a drive I've done before but it never gets any better. Being in the car for longer than three hours is the threshold. After that you just want to be where you want to be. The drive back is better, not by much though. The radio can only get you so far. Once you get out of range, the struggle to find a suitable station starts. And once you find one it is only good for a short while. Sometimes I just turn the radio off and just kind of drive. I'm pretty sure I go robotic after a certain point. I'll look at a sign saying this many miles to destination. Next time I see a similar sign, I'll be five miles from the exit and have no idea where the time went. Obviously I was paying attention because I'm still alive. It's just weird how the brain can turn off almost all functions it doesn't need. It's a crazy thing.
Can't believe that I'm almost done with my first year of graduate school. I remember this time last year I was having a grand of a time trying to get in. Taking all those tests and filling out the applications. It seemed so daunting back then. Now, since I'm actually doing it, it doesn't seem too bad. It is just such a relief to never have to do that again. While I teeter on whether or not I'll get a Ph.D I hope that I won't have to take any more tests. I'm fairly sure I'll be content with a Master's. At least, I hope so. I'll have this fancy degree and hopefully a fancy job to go along with it. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to work in an academic library. I think the job will be more rewarding and I'll feel like I'll have something to do. I'm just not sure how I feel about tenure. Can I publish? I'm sure I can. Do I want to? That's a whole other story. I don't want to get this degree on theory to just get a job where I'll be doing more of the same. I want to be able to go into the trenches and make a name for myself. I'm sure I can do both, but I've heard that it is either one or the other. We'll see.
So many things still uncertain. It makes me uneasy somedays. Other days, not so much. I like the idea of not knowing where I'm going to be in a couple of years. On the other days, it terrifies me. That's why I'm in graduate school I guess. I'll be able to go anywhere and there will be work (theoretically). If I wanted to pack up and go to the West coast, I could do that. I don't have any roots planted yet. I'm still trying to find the best place to plant myself. I know where I would like to end up. I know that if I try hard enough I will get there eventually. I'm just not sure how I'm going to get there at this point. I could work here and there until I'm finally able to be where I want to be. There are limitless routes I can take. I just hope that the paths I go down will lead me to Portland eventually.
Well blog, I think I've written enough. It's nice to have a history of me. I always wonder if I read these later if I'll remember writing it. It will be interesting for sure. Chronicling my life as a way to show where I have been. My footprints may be small, but they are proof that I was here.
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