Futurism

Sitting here. Playing deus ex. It's a pretty good game. The soundtrack is very fitting.

I hate online classes. With a passion. Typing this on my iPhone. Seeing how well it works.

The Way I Get By

Officially moved in today. Well, not officially according to the paperwork. It's all good though. Most of my stuff is in there with just a few more things of mine to put in there. Tomorrow I'll be going to help Christine pack her stuff and we'll be living in the place Saturday. Thinking about it is really strange. Writing this now while noticing how empty my room is makes me realize that this will be the last night I'll be sleeping here for a long time. Maybe even ever. While it's a nice thing, it also is a little unnerving. It sucks to grow up. The lost boys had it right all along.

Be starting the pool store on Monday. That, along with the library will make the summer very interesting. I'm sure I can handle it. I mean, I wouldn't be doing anything else, might as well make some money. Since I paid for everything so far, the misses owes me for the first two months rent. That, along with our first month free means I don't have to pay anything until September. It will help so I can save as much as possible so I don't have to incur any more debt from being a student. One more year, that's all I need...

So, Osama is dead. Killed on Sunday by a special forces team. While the rest of the country is celebrating, there are few of us who know nothing will change. Sure, things will be in flux for an indefinite amount of time. After all is said and done though, something or someone will take Osama's place. People's understanding of history is so short-sighted. I guess what we get for ramming all the math and science down their throats. This is just a momentary lapse in an otherwise extremely hostile world, especially towards the United States. Mark my words, this event, while significant, changes nothing.

Now that the boogeyman is dead maybe the topic will turn to why it took so long to figure out the best solution to the problems. A team of six or so guys took down the most dangerous threat to America and the world. Sure, they needed months of intelligence and preparation but they did it. The question this raises is why this type of thing was not done from the get go. This is much cheaper than a full scale war and more effective. Imagine the lives, money, and time we could have saved if we more more patient and did things right the first time.

This week, everything changes. It all has been coming to this. Only a couple of days out and I am simultaneously excited and terrified. Maybe all the best things are. Maybe

Faster Than My Eyes Can Adjust

Noticed that a lot of my posts started with well. Not this one. I made a conscious effort not to do so. Breaking the mold is not a bad thing. It keeps things interesting if things change every now and then. Either way, the life and times of Matt Kessler are pretty much the same. I do this and that, here and there. Not sure if I do this here or that there, but it is what it is. And it is my life.

Work is pretty routine now. I never even check my schedule anymore. I work the same days during the week and either Fridays or the weekends. If I work Friday, I have the weekend off. It is pretty hard to mess up. It is nice to know while some change is good, other change is a little harder to deal with. Shelving books never gets old. While I may shelve the same book again and again, I never shelve the same series of books. Being able to see all the different types of literature makes me feel so under read. I read here and there, on and off, but the amount of information out there is pretty overwhelming. Lucky I'll be able to find a way to disseminate the information into an understandable way eventually. In the meantime, I'll just note what strikes me as interesting.

School is what it is. I enjoy it, no question. I think I'm just at that point where I feel like I just want to get on with my life. It does not help that the school is in a transition period. The school really needs to make up its mind about its online program. I understand its nice to have it for people who cant make it to campus or people who live in other states. I just feel that since I live in metro Detroit, there is no reason for me to have to take an online class. I specifically said that I wanted to be an on campus student, yet, here I am with the majority of my classes being online next semester. I'm just hoping that the next batch of classes goes better than the first.

For the first time in a long while, something has changed drastically. Well, not yet technically. Christine and I have officially found an apartment. It was the last place we looked at and the cheapest. I was hesitant about the place from the get go, but all misconceptions were gone when I saw the apartment. It was perfect for two people. Good sized kitchen, living area and bedroom. There is also adequate closet space; probably more than actually needed. All in all, it is the perfect place given both of our situations. Being in Ferndale Christine won't have to drive to her internship. It is close enough that she can walk. It is also close enough to my jobs that I can bike with no issue. Being able to have a place somewhat centrally located was one of the things I thought was most important. This place is also within walking distance to downtown. There are many places to eat, hang and do whatever here. I am looking forward to it more than anything right now.

Another positive change is that Christine and I have started a pseudo book club. It only has two members. It is good to read together because I am pretty careless when I read on my own. Being tied to somebody else will make me read more often. If it is successful, I can integrate it into my regular routine. I've always enjoyed reading when I'm doing it. The process is just difficult for me to do. I'm getting better. If I take the books with me and read a little everyday, I can finish books before they are due at the library. Maybe thats why I have trouble reading. I feel like I have to read it quicker than I actually have to. Being able to slow it down and enjoy it at my preferred pace will be a good thing.

My first year of graduate school is almost behind me. First time living on my own for real is right around the corner. Soon, a real job and responsibilities. After that, only time will tell. The best thing for me to do is enjoy the present. It is the only thing in my immediate control. I can't change the past and I can't predict the future. The present is the only thing that matters now and forever.

Back From the Dead

Hello blog. It has been awhile since my last post. Too much has happened to update on everything, so I'll just do a quick overview. First semester of school went well, rocking a 3.66 GPA. Also working steadily at the library, which is nice. Other than that I can't remember anything important. Sure there were a lot of political things going on but I can't remember those either, save for the ones going on currently. Life is pretty boring to say the least. Pretty much do the same thing each and everyday. It's become so routine I don't even think about it; I just go through the motions. Just the other day I was going to pick up a light bulb. At a particular intersection I needed to make a right turn. However, this intersection I almost always go left. Although the light was red I had my left turn signal on, seemingly out of a force of habit. I realized just before the light turned green that I needed to go right. It's crazy what force of habit can do.

The misses and I are looking for an apartment right now. We have been looking forward to moving in with each other for awhile now. The problem is that her internship is looking more likely to be in Ann Arbor. Another problem is that I work in Royal Oak and Southfield and go to school in Detroit. The place we'll end up living will be about 20-30 miles away from work and school. With gas prices the way they are, I'll be filling up my tank about once a week, for about forty dollars a pop. The excitement is still there, but all these extenuating circumstances make it not as high as it could, or should, be.

So, here I am. Just listening to The Sweater Song by Weezer. Just trying to figure out what I'm going to write next. I really never know; I just let it all come out without regard to what it will be. I don't think I could write any other way. Structure doesn't suit me as well as it does other people. I can bounce so many thoughts off in rapid succession that I wouldn't have time to structure the mess that is my brain. All I know is that it is fun. It's fun to just write about whatever it is that's on my mind. 

The Sound of Silence is a really good song. It might have one of the best opening lines to a song ever. Hello darkness my old friend / I've come to talk to you again. How awesome is that? Creates that sense that everyone is alone. Darkness is the only thing that is consistent between humans, to a certain degree. The power of music. It's one of those songs that no matter what you do, you really want to listen to the lyrics and put it into some sort of context. It can change each time you hear it; among the best of the best.

It's also interesting to hear a song again after hearing it in a movie. Done correctly, or just well, it's almost impossible to separate the song from the movie. I just don't know what makes what better. Does the song make the scene better or the other way around? Either way, try watching Reservoir Dogs and not associating Stuck in the Middle With You with that movie every time you hear it. I guarantee it's not possible.

Music is one of those things I go without for long time and not understand why. I also don't understand why it doesn't bother me. Whenever I'm in a dry spell and start listening again I wonder why I ever stopped in the first place. I have so much music to lose myself to that I should experience it as often as I can. While I prefer movies most of the time, sometimes nothing can beat just sitting down and listening to some good tunes. I've incorporated it into my homework routines. I think it helps the process. I don't worry about the homework as much as I would have without the music. I just do the work and let the music carry me through until the end. It's much more fun to ride a wave of music than a wave of frustration.

I'll be visiting Christine tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to the drive. I usually don't. It's a drive I've done before but it never gets any better. Being in the car for longer than three hours is the threshold. After that you just want to be where you want to be. The drive back is better, not by much though. The radio can only get you so far. Once you get out of range, the struggle to find a suitable station starts. And once you find one it is only good for a short while. Sometimes I just turn the radio off and just kind of drive. I'm pretty sure I go robotic after a certain point. I'll look at a sign saying this many miles to destination. Next time I see a similar sign, I'll be five miles from the exit and have no idea where the time went. Obviously I was paying attention because I'm still alive. It's just weird how the brain can turn off almost all functions it doesn't need. It's a crazy thing.

Can't believe that I'm almost done with my first year of graduate school. I remember this time last year I was having a grand of a time trying to get in. Taking all those tests and filling out the applications. It seemed so daunting back then. Now, since I'm actually doing it, it doesn't seem too bad. It is just such a relief to never have to do that again. While I teeter on whether or not I'll get a Ph.D I hope that I won't have to take any more tests. I'm fairly sure I'll be content with a Master's. At least, I hope so. I'll have this fancy degree and hopefully a fancy job to go along with it. I'm still on the fence about whether or not I want to work in an academic library. I think the job will be more rewarding and I'll feel like I'll have something to do. I'm just not sure how I feel about tenure. Can I publish? I'm sure I can. Do I want to? That's a whole other story. I don't want to get this degree on theory to just get a job where I'll be doing more of the same. I want to be able to go into the trenches and make a name for myself. I'm sure I can do both, but I've heard that it is either one or the other. We'll see.

So many things still uncertain. It makes me uneasy somedays. Other days, not so much. I like the idea of not knowing where I'm going to be in a couple of years. On the other days, it terrifies me. That's why I'm in graduate school I guess. I'll be able to go anywhere and there will be work (theoretically). If I wanted to pack up and go to the West coast, I could do that. I don't have any roots planted yet. I'm  still trying to find the best place to plant myself. I know where I would like to end up. I know that if I try hard enough I will get there eventually. I'm just not sure how I'm going to get there at this point. I could work here and there until I'm finally able to be where I want to be. There are limitless routes I can take. I just hope that the paths I go down will lead me to Portland eventually.

Well blog, I think I've written enough. It's nice to have a history of me. I always wonder if I read these later if I'll remember writing it. It will be interesting for sure. Chronicling my life as a way to show where I have been. My footprints may be small, but they are proof that I was here.