Detroit State of Mind

Well, a lot has happened since my last update. Maybe not though, who knows? The biggest news is that I got a new job. I work for the Southfield Public library, and it is very exciting. It's been so long since I had a job that wasn't the pool store that I didn't know how to handle the responsibilities and work protocol. The place still seems pretty laid back, my boss is pretty cool, but I still feel like I'm going to have to maintain the line of command. It's no big deal really, it's just something I haven't done for awhile.

School is going along rather nicely. Maybe I'm only saying that because I am pretty much done for the semester. I turned in my last paper on Monday and now I'm in the final stages of getting a group project complete. After that, I only have to show up for class and enjoy the last lectures of my first semester as a graduate student. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Maybe it's because I'm in the intro level classes or maybe because I still surprise myself with how smart I am and can be in situations that need it. I don't mean to sound vain, but if this is graduate school I am not challenged. Hopefully next semester is a little more difficult because I'm sick of being able to do the work, I wanted to be done with that in undergrad. I guess we'll see what happens.

As for as everything else, it's kinda just there. I don't really do many things apart from school these days. I occasionally hang out with friends when they feel it fits into their schedule. I see the fiancee every so often and things are good on that front. I still watch movies on a regular basis and try to get a good showcase of all the talent that the world of cinema has to offer. Working at the library has made it so I can get movies there with no stipulations. That, and my Netflix, will mean I can watch the movies I want to watch twice as fast. I get one from here, the other from there, it shall be the end of me I'm sure. The library has a pretty solid collection from what I can tell from my searching. I don't know what the library is talking about, these are all the benefits I need.

It's crazy that it's already December. I can still remember going to orientation like it was so recent. That memory seems so fresh that I can't believe it happened in August. Four months isn't that long, but it feels like it sometimes. The snow is starting to come down and soon it will be a new year. A new year that will bring many new things. It will mark the first official time that Christine and I move in with each other. It will also be my 25th birthday, alive for a quarter century. I know I've accomplished more than a lot of people will ever do, but I still feel that I haven't done enough. It's hard to do anything when you're too busy gaining the skills and knowledge for a career. I make people happy, I make them laugh. I know I'm important. I just feel that there is more I could be doing than what I am doing now. I guess I'll have to start the new year with a vengeance.

So, a job in an economy that's in the toilet. In the process of getting a masters degree. Happily engaged and moving in with the fiancee. Seems like there is a lot going in my life. In time, all of these things will change, but they will change into something better. A real job as a librarian, masters degree in a frame, happily married. Who knows, maybe I'll just be crazy enough to start a PhD program, but I'm not that crazy. Not yet at least.

The Life and Death of Matt Kessler

Well, I think that school is starting to get pretty intense. A lot of work to do and not enough time to do it. I'm sure that's not the case, but it sure feels like it. So far so good, I'm just hoping that I can get through unscathed so I can continue on this path. But, here I am, at school, sitting around waiting to finish up my assignment that is due in about two hours. But I'm here, just blogging and killing time because I don't really have anything better to do. I wish I had brought my headphones, that way, at least, I could be listening to music while I do this or surf the interwebs. Whatever though, I only have to do one more thing for the assignment and it should only take about five minutes, so, I'm not in any big rush at the moment.

So, work is finally done, with my last day being about a week and a half ago. I knew it was coming, but it still is a little hard to not work anymore, even if I didn't have anything to do. Picked up my last paycheck last Thursday and filed for unemployment today. Filing is a lot easier the second time around, but, since I'm in school this time, there may be an issue with what the state calls "availability". Sure, part of the deal of unemployment is that you have to seek work and accept work that is offered to you. I can deal with that. What I cannot deal with is that the state seemingly requires me to just drop my classes in order to accept full time work. It doesn't make sense really. Not at all. I mean, the first thing they asked on the form was whether or not my school would interfere with me finding a job. Since I put that school would not interfere, that should be it. But, no. They ask more questions that have no relevance after that first question is asked. How is it that a state can tell someone to drop out of their classes, which they are taking to better themselves, just to take a dead end job that will probably pay me less than unemployment would. It's stupid, and that's coming from someone who champions social programs such as this one. Add that to the fact that my employer essentially pays my unemployment through their insurance. Therefore, the state should just stop bitching and give me what I am entitled to. It's not like I walked off the streets and filed for this type of service. I can prove that I worked, made enough money, and was laid off. What else could they possibly need? It just makes me wonder how this country is going to end up a decade or so down the road.

Been on another TV binge lately. Now I'm very interested in the show Fringe, as it seems to be the only show on television that is smart and has a mythology surrounding it. It is filling my Lost void quite nicely, although it is not as good, it is looking like it could very well get on the same level in the upcoming episodes. Also, Christine was in town for the weekend and we continued our ritual Psych watching. Netflix is a wonderful thing, and watching season 4 for free is a lot better than paying fifty dollars for it. But I'm torn though, I have the first three seasons on DVD, it seems like I should get the fourth to make the collection look complete. Who knows, maybe Amazon will have another good sale come Christmas time. We'll see what happens.

Other than that, I just kind of want all of this to be over with. Sure I like school, but it is just getting to the point (already) like it's just an obstacle rather than a stepping stone. Maybe it's because of all the work I have to do in all this time. I don't know though. I know it will get better, but, for right now, I just want it to stop.

(In)Sanity?

Well, another week gone. Being back in school sure makes the time go by faster. Unfortunately, time is what I need and it seems to be slipping away faster than I can even remember. I recall being an undergraduate and thinking there wasn't enough time to do what I needed but finding the time anyway. I'm hoping that the case remains the same, it just feels strange to be in this position again of having to find the time to do what needs to be done.

Classes are still good. It has picked up for sure though. I mean, it's not too difficult (yet) but, there is a lot of things that are being pushed on me at once. Sure, it's graduate school, it should be expected. I just never thought it would happen this early. It's not too big of a deal, I mean, I know what I have to do and when to turn it in. I technically have the advantage in my favor, I could, for once, work ahead so that I don't have to wait until the last minute like I've done in the past. The thrill of being on a tight schedule, how I've missed you, even though I sometimes dread your very existence.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to DC at the end of the month to go the the Jon Stewart rally. It's not too often that chances like this come along, and I need to have an experience like this at least once in my life. I'm doing it not because I want to say I was there, but because I believe in what the cause is. Granted, I'm pretty off the radar when it comes to the political spectrum, but I really do value other people's viewpoints. I may not agree with them, but as long as they can say it in the type of way that doesn't sound offensive or divisive. I'm all ears to entertaining any thought, and I believe that there is just too much craziness going on in today's politics. Maybe it's because of the 24 hour news cycle, but people really need to just calm down. Just because you speak louder than somebody else doesn't make you right. All those loud voices do is silence everyone else who has, a potential, better idea than the blabbering mouths that speak without thinking.

I also got into a conversation with the fiancee about Teach for America. She went to a speaker series type thing they had at her school, so she went. Then she brought it up to me as a potential job for me to do after graduate school. The thing is, I considered doing that before I ended up at Wayne State. I didn't not do it because I lost interest, I just didn't think that it was the time to embark on something this big in scale. Now, I'm thinking that I am more prepared to tackle it. Once I'm done with graduate school, I feel like this is a potential path for me to take for the two years that I'm requested to do. Some part of me has always felt the need, maybe even desire or passion, to teach. It's something that I've always thought I'd be good at. And to have the chance to teach students who, most likely, have never been able to understand the value of an education. To teach those who have been left behind is almost like a calling. I feel like I can get through to them where others have failed. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would feel better than to turn the fortunes of the broken, beaten and the damned. If that was the only thing I ever accomplished, I'd die knowing I did more than most people.

24. Maybe I have all this passion because I'm so young. Maybe I haven't seen how the world actually works so I know where to keep my expectations. Maybe I shouldn't let how the world works dictate how my life goes. Maybe I should take this world and flip it onto itself. Maybe I'm too young still. Maybe I'll be great someday. Maybe sometimes just isn't going to cut it. 24. Young enough to know I have a lot to learn, but wise enough to know that I will be great.

The Mashup

Well blog, it's been awhile. I have officially started school again and it doesn't feel like I took a year off. The transition was the same as it's always been, rough and exciting. It's always a rush to start a new semester of school, added though, is the fact that this is graduate level and I'm at a different school. Needless to say, this semester should be interesting and informative about my future profession. And from the looks of it, I may have figured out what I would like to be.

It started out like a normal Monday. You know the usual, wake up and go to work. Listen to the morning talk shows to loosen you up before an exhausting day of work. I had already attended two classes, both the introduction to the profession, so this was the first appearance of access to information. Having already gotten the start of the semester kinks out of my system the previous two weeks, the drive to campus wasn't so daunting. Getting to campus at the time I did that day provided me with free parking which is a rarity at Wayne State. The class was filled with some people I recognized from my introduction class creating the illusion that seeing a familiar face makes things easier to swallow. Class started and we did the usual first class procedures, meeting the professor and classmates. That was fairly standard issue, but what interested me was when we started discussing reference librarians and what they did on a fairly basic level. I was intrigued from the very moment we started talking about it, something just felt so right about it. The more I thought about it the more it became apparent, that this was the field for me.

Although I have only scratched the surface, I am very glad that I chose this field of study. My initial, seemingly passer-by attitude I had when I first brought it up seemed to have more meaning that I originally had thought. Maybe it's not so strange that I choose this field after all, considering my views on the world. My biggest problem with the world is people and how they can seem to believe whatever it is they hear and take it as fact. Too often have I seen information used to take power away when just the opposite should be happening. I may have some very critical views of those who do not agree with me on many things, but my biggest complaint is when people choose to ignore the facts, regardless of what side you want to stand on. If people were better educated and informed this country to be so much better than I really cannot paint a picture to what it may look like. And that makes me want to make sure I can do everything in my power to at least make the slightest difference in the world, because I know that I did the right thing.

Which leads me to people who aren't doing their job: the media. While there are journalists who actually do a fine job, most of the reporting nowadays is pretty shoddy. When most people turn to Fox News or MSNBC they are doing themselves a disservice. While I tend to believe that MSNBC is far more journalistic, if you will, then Fox News. However, they both fail to address the reality of the problem, which is they don't try to solve the problems they are reporting on. They put the same stock people on their shows that say the same things they've been saying all along. Instead of offering counter offers and directed criticism towards officials, policies, or whatever, they just attack characters and stick to old talking points. Neither side is willing to concede to the other in the era of extremism. It seems that burning bridges is a far better option than building them. Because building something that both sides agree on takes sacrifice on both sides, it takes a lot of work to meet in the middle to make something better for everyone. Burning it down is far easier and enables you to start the next project to your liking because there is no precedence anymore, what they create will become the new precedence. This country was founded on compromise and it worked for them, why can't it work now?

Which is why part of me, and a lot of people think that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the only hopes for a galaxy turning to the dark side. Even though what they do is for comedies sake, it still is the greatest service any person can do in this day and age. They skewer politicians and traditional news networks for doing a poor job. They catch the politicians in their lies and deceit. They lay waste to the media for not doing the jobs they seem to be doing. In short segments, typically lasting around ten minutes, they are able to show us how broken the system is and how simple issues really are. They are over complicated by politicians trying to score political points while they are over simplified by the media to explain it to the lowest common denominator. The type of laughter that comes from this is a chilling one. Part of it is because it actually is quite funny, but the other part is one of this type of shame that this is our political system. How did it get this bad? When did it get this bad? Has it always been like this, or is a more recent development in the moving into the fringe?

It's part of the reason I will be going to DC to see their rally's. One, a call for sanity, as Stewart would put it: "Lets take it down a notch America." The other, a restore to fear, to which Colbert will most likely satirize the very element of fear and how it created the state of affairs we're currently in. Both will, hopefully, have huge attendances and at least put a blip in the radar for Congress. Maybe when the average people, who are always told to keep their politics to themselves finally speak up, the country will listen for once.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

Well, I'm beginning to blog, journal, or whatever it's called these days. Seems only logical as I like the past, and this is a way of creating the past so to speak. Maybe I'll actually stay on top of this so when I look back the picture won't be so blurry.

First things first, I'm a student again. It should be exciting, doing something that I've wanted to do for a long time. Even though I haven't been in school for a year, I don't think that it will be hard to get back into the swing of things. I'm not too worried about my classes, at least, not at the moment. As long as I stay focused it shouldn't be too much to handle. Maybe I'll come back and read this and laugh at how ridiculous I seemed, trying to be all sweet before I even know what's about to hit me.

As for the rest of the world? Well, I can say with confidence, that all is well; the world is still falling apart. If there is one thing that gives me hope or some sort of uneasy balance, it's that no matter what happens, the world will leave something to be desired. Sure, there will be people trying to make it a better place, and some will succeed. Then there are the ones that will try to make a pretty penny by selling people short, and some of them will succeed too. Everything stays in balance. The world has a funny way of adjusting itself in times of flux. It never stays in one place for too long because the rate of change can only match the rate of decay. That's why it gives me stability knowing that something is trying to maintain balance.

Cynicism isn't bad, right? I mean nobody is born a cynic, it only happens after we start living. People who try to remain optimistic sometimes are lying to themselves and pessimists exaggerate the slightest inconvenience. Cynics on the other hand have experience on their side. It's not like cynics are a narrowly identified group of people. I've always called my self a cynical optimist. I'm cynical because of my experience with the world, the things I've seen not happen when it should and things happen when they shouldn't. But I've always held onto that idea that things can, and will get better, even if I sometimes don't believe it. It's hard not to be cynical. People that tell you they aren't are probably lying.

When does the cynicism stop though? Does it stop when progress is made? Maybe it stops when the world starts working in such a way where things can actually happen. No more of the constant back and forth craziness. Maybe it never goes away. Maybe those cynics turn to apathy, and the cycle stops there. Apathy is the force that threatens all. It's strange to know that there are people out there that have truly given up on everything. They're not necessarily depressed, they're just so convinced that nothing will ever change, no matter what anybody does. Next time someone gets on your case for being a cynic, tell them it could be worse.

I think it's interesting how I title my entries. Back when I did this on a more consistent basis, I'd always put a witty or prophetic title that would serve no purpose other than to sound cool. However, the titles always have a way of inputting themselves into the entry in some form. Funny how things work, you start somewhere to get to another place; you just didn't know that place would take you back to the beginning.